I try to stay clear of these topics, but the past few weeks this has been a subject that has popped up randomly. As I was engaging in my lunch of a raw collard wrap and green juice, I was haunted by the topics of relationships, especially today after Tim Clinton, host of "The Truth" radio show of XcelRadio.com (www.xcelradio.com) posted a few thought provoking questions pertaining to relationships on his Twitter page, @TimDClinton. On the contrary, the responses were so heated they put a pot of boiling water to shame. It showed me that relationships have become like an elephant in the room. Why does it have to be so complicated? Are we that misunderstood with each other?
Here are a few questions that were posted, mainly addressed to the ladies:
- "What's your take on a man looking for the one, but talking to more than one?"
- "What should be established on the first date?"
-"Do you believe you should be the only option before a commitment is made?"
For a recap of responses and other questions, visit his Twitter page. The question that really stood out to me: "What's your take on a man looking for the one, but talking to more than one?" prompted my mind to travel back to the question that I posed prior to him igniting the discussion: "Is there a difference between dating & courting?" In my mind's eye, yes, there is.
Dating in MY opinion, is comprised of multiple parties. It does not establish anything outside of a social setting created by the parties involved. However, courting in MY opinion, deals with something totally different. It deals with a focal point. Which reveals to me why "old school" or earlier generations (pre-social media, pre-technology, pre-everything outside of an in your face conversation), used the word frequently. As my grandparents would say, "You couldn't say you were courting somebody, and not be serious about them."
When there are other parties involved with 'dating,' feelings, emotions, and attachments get involved. Sometimes people are honest upfront, other times, not so much. For example: If a man states upfront that he is seeing multiple people, but expresses his like for the current person, then it is her choice whether she decides to pursue the 'dating' further. Consequently, if she is a cautious person, she will seriously have her guard up because, she cannot take this man seriously. How can one seriously invest thought and observation into a person when there guard is up? It becomes a waste of time, because that person is getting the short end of the stick. How can one seriously get to know someone when there are other distractions of people surrounding the potential of "the one?"
I know that men and women think differently, but at the end of the day, what is accomplished? What is the goal? What happens when one of the women involved in the 'process of elimination' sees the man out with another opponent? Will he speak? Will he introduce them? Or will he go on about his business, and keep the train moving pretending that he never saw the other opponent? This is where feelings, emotions, and thoughts come in to play. This creates a competitive pool among women, and a further division where women are against each other.
In the courting process, the focus is on two persons involved. No distractions of other people. Both persons involved can intensely listen and observe the conversation, behavior, and character. A wolf can't survive in sheep's clothing long. It gives the fair and undivided attention to key in on the objective at hand: "Who is this person?" without comparison to anyone else.
I would like to share my sister's answer when I asked her the same question. Her response:
"Courting involves more dedication. It is more honorable and denotes building a relationship more than today' version of dating. Courting is an old school version of dating, where dating to a certain extent has lost its essence."
Now in the event that either person finds out there is not a connection there or does not want to take it further, then the parties can move on. At least they were given each other's full attention to learn that it was not the right person for them.
In MY opinion, dating is like a loose cannon. Personalities, and people all over the place. With the business and productivity of life, and the way time is moving at a rapid pace, who can keep up with the names & scheduling of dates. What if you accidentally got called the wrong name? What if that person didn't REMEMBER your name?
The beautiful thing in all of this is the key word: choice. Everyone of us has choices. Neither choice is wrong nor right. Yet, it appears that dating has become like water from a faucet. It continues running until someone turns the faucet off. Marriage has declined tremendously, and divorce attorneys are smiling bigger than a child on Christmas morning because "irreconcilable differences" have suddenly seeped in, but somehow were absent during the courting/dating process.
Courting unfolds the gritty grime while dating can be a short-lived, temporary, feel good feeling. According to my uncle, married for forty plus years, "You never stop courting even after marriage."
As I mentioned earlier, we all have choices and differences. Those unique and beautiful things that make us people. However, the goal is to choose what will compliment whatever your overall objective is. Short-term or longevity.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Beautiful Music: Lionel Richie & Amel Larrieux
There is something about beautiful music that moves every vein and vessel within me. After sharing an exchange of love for Lionel Richie with the fabulous @Love_Is_Dope and @NPRandB of the Twitter world, I had this bolt of energy at the mere thought of Richie classics such as "Still," "You Are," and "Truly." These are songs comprised of lyrics that are intricate like silk. Gentle. Soft. Moving. So creatively beautiful that I felt my eyes water and my mind decided to travel to time capsules where love was created in lyrics that captivated the soul. Lyrics that stood the test of time and filled the ear gates with "forever." A time when lyrics were health advocates of marriage, love, and relationships. When lyrics supported the process of courtship and conversation.
When @Love_Is_Dope shared her crush for Lionel Richie she made me think back to all of the songs that my Mom played in the house as a little girl that supported dreams of having the kind of love that was expressed through the vinyl records, through the radio, and boom boxes. Which is why "Love Will Conquer All" became one of my favorite songs. EVER. To add to the love foundation, Amel Larrieux presented us with "Make Me Whole." A song that is written as a storybook of love's truth. Where unfiltered, unmasked, transparent buttery vocals pour out the essence of her soul to her reflection, her love, her husband & partner. It's rare to hear songstresses sing the purity of love without sexual references, bad break-ups, breaking dishes & tire slashing.
After seeing Lionel Richie's performance upon receiving his BET 2014 Lifetime Achievement Award, I stood up in my living room for Richie as if I was at the awards. I saw the faces of old schoolers who joined him in song, as he flashed his infamous megawatt smile connecting with the audience. Then suddenly, I felt sad. I looked at some of the young faces who didn't possess a clue as he sung "Easy Like Sunday Morning." The icing on the cake was really displayed as the camera panned through absent faces when he performed "All Night Long." I felt sad that our young people's ear gates have been consumed with wrecked, broken lyrics whose idea of love is equated to what's between their legs, instead of their heart.
Sure prior generations had broken hearted songs such as Al Green's "Love & Happiness" to The O'Jays' "Use To Be My Girl," and countless others. On the contrary, it was love that had been lost, but come hell or high water, it was going to be found again with that person. It was about redemption. The power and forgiveness of love. Commitment. Loyalty. Making love work. It was about the character, and not the booty. It was about his/her smile, and not the thong or g-string.
Let's take a moment to observe the lyrics to "Endless Love" - duet by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross:
Lionel Richie: "My love. There's only you in my life. The only thing that's right."
Diana Ross: "My first love, you're every breath that I take. You're every step I make."
Together: "And I, I want to share, all my love with you."
Lionel Richie: "No one else will do."
Diana Ross: "And your eyes....
Lionel Richie: "Your eyes...your eyes"
Together: "They tell me how much you care. Oh, yes, you will always be, my endless love."
Pause.
What does the majority of today's lyrics look like? In my opinion, the majority of lyrics reflect endless conversations of the communication gap between men and women. The decline of courtship and true intimacy. The increase of abusive language, and the lack of respect for each other.
However, all is not lost. Amel Larrieux's current release "Ice Cream Everyday" encompasses another ode to love that made my heart leap bolts of joy, "I Do Take 2." It is like a vegan ice cream sundae for me. I have my Lionel Richie's "Still" with a scoop at the bottom and "I Do Take 2" at the top, with the cherry on top being love.
"Sometimes you just know, like nothing you've ever known, like words cannot describe, like space cannot divide.
Like skies cannot confine. Like living and like dying. Like having no need to tell the time.
Cause with you, one day’s worth ninety-nine.
I do take you as the one miracle sent to grace these eyes
I do take you til my earthly end
And even then you’ll be the love of my life"
- Amel Larrieux "I Do Take 2"
By no means am I downplaying all artists. There are artists out there who have beautiful lyrics, but right now, at this very moment, Lionel Richie, and Amel Larrieux just move me deeply. There words are timeless. It's not only the beat, but the lyrics occupy the spaces and thoughts in my mind's travel to love. Thank you to @Love_Is_Dope for taking me back to that moment where one of music's soul carriers touched the heart of a little girl to be inspired by love. Thank you @NPRandB for sharing the songs of Lionel Richie's Essence Festival performance that move me "Still."
I hope that current and future songwriters and musicians understand the magnitude of how lyrics can transcend into time. Words have power. Lyrics are words that are bonded to sounds that connect with the soul. The most powerful connection of all is love. No matter how far fetched the music gets, or how many car windows get shattered from drama-filled, unhealthy relationships played over beats, I still believe like the good old classic Lionel Richie sings, "Love Will Conquer All."
When @Love_Is_Dope shared her crush for Lionel Richie she made me think back to all of the songs that my Mom played in the house as a little girl that supported dreams of having the kind of love that was expressed through the vinyl records, through the radio, and boom boxes. Which is why "Love Will Conquer All" became one of my favorite songs. EVER. To add to the love foundation, Amel Larrieux presented us with "Make Me Whole." A song that is written as a storybook of love's truth. Where unfiltered, unmasked, transparent buttery vocals pour out the essence of her soul to her reflection, her love, her husband & partner. It's rare to hear songstresses sing the purity of love without sexual references, bad break-ups, breaking dishes & tire slashing.
After seeing Lionel Richie's performance upon receiving his BET 2014 Lifetime Achievement Award, I stood up in my living room for Richie as if I was at the awards. I saw the faces of old schoolers who joined him in song, as he flashed his infamous megawatt smile connecting with the audience. Then suddenly, I felt sad. I looked at some of the young faces who didn't possess a clue as he sung "Easy Like Sunday Morning." The icing on the cake was really displayed as the camera panned through absent faces when he performed "All Night Long." I felt sad that our young people's ear gates have been consumed with wrecked, broken lyrics whose idea of love is equated to what's between their legs, instead of their heart.
Sure prior generations had broken hearted songs such as Al Green's "Love & Happiness" to The O'Jays' "Use To Be My Girl," and countless others. On the contrary, it was love that had been lost, but come hell or high water, it was going to be found again with that person. It was about redemption. The power and forgiveness of love. Commitment. Loyalty. Making love work. It was about the character, and not the booty. It was about his/her smile, and not the thong or g-string.
Let's take a moment to observe the lyrics to "Endless Love" - duet by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross:
Lionel Richie: "My love. There's only you in my life. The only thing that's right."
Diana Ross: "My first love, you're every breath that I take. You're every step I make."
Together: "And I, I want to share, all my love with you."
Lionel Richie: "No one else will do."
Diana Ross: "And your eyes....
Lionel Richie: "Your eyes...your eyes"
Together: "They tell me how much you care. Oh, yes, you will always be, my endless love."
Pause.
What does the majority of today's lyrics look like? In my opinion, the majority of lyrics reflect endless conversations of the communication gap between men and women. The decline of courtship and true intimacy. The increase of abusive language, and the lack of respect for each other.
However, all is not lost. Amel Larrieux's current release "Ice Cream Everyday" encompasses another ode to love that made my heart leap bolts of joy, "I Do Take 2." It is like a vegan ice cream sundae for me. I have my Lionel Richie's "Still" with a scoop at the bottom and "I Do Take 2" at the top, with the cherry on top being love.
"Sometimes you just know, like nothing you've ever known, like words cannot describe, like space cannot divide.
Like skies cannot confine. Like living and like dying. Like having no need to tell the time.
Cause with you, one day’s worth ninety-nine.
I do take you as the one miracle sent to grace these eyes
I do take you til my earthly end
And even then you’ll be the love of my life"
- Amel Larrieux "I Do Take 2"
By no means am I downplaying all artists. There are artists out there who have beautiful lyrics, but right now, at this very moment, Lionel Richie, and Amel Larrieux just move me deeply. There words are timeless. It's not only the beat, but the lyrics occupy the spaces and thoughts in my mind's travel to love. Thank you to @Love_Is_Dope for taking me back to that moment where one of music's soul carriers touched the heart of a little girl to be inspired by love. Thank you @NPRandB for sharing the songs of Lionel Richie's Essence Festival performance that move me "Still."
I hope that current and future songwriters and musicians understand the magnitude of how lyrics can transcend into time. Words have power. Lyrics are words that are bonded to sounds that connect with the soul. The most powerful connection of all is love. No matter how far fetched the music gets, or how many car windows get shattered from drama-filled, unhealthy relationships played over beats, I still believe like the good old classic Lionel Richie sings, "Love Will Conquer All."
Saturday, July 5, 2014
"Grits In A Bowl"
Available http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LGJLLRU and http://t.co/s8v3UIHDhT
You Don't Have To Wait For Permission To Be Heard
An exciting re-birth happens to a person when one takes time to re-evaluate some things in life. For me that was a process that took a long time to evaluate. Looking at one's self takes a lot of courage, and transparency. It takes much prayer, honesty, tears, questions, and more questions. Asking GOD questions about life, and trust me HE will give you the answers. You may not like what you receive, but that's when the commitment to what GOD says about you comes in, and the question is: What are you going to do about it?
I am a writer. I have been writing since I was a little girl. Yet, somewhere along the line, I gave my voice away because, my writing was not according to what someone else said it should be. I cannot tell you how many times I wasted paper and ink printing out query letters to literary agents, managers, production companies, development executives, studios, etc. just to get my work noticed, and to do the typical introduction. I wasted money on fancy resume paper to make my query, and introductory letters stand out. I sent out tons of emails, and then had the nerves to stand in line at the post office wasting money on stamps, and then my neurotic obsession pushed me into further anal behavior when I would spend extra money to get signature confirmation, delivery confirmation WITH insurance, AND priority mail, with express mail being like a special dessert. And yes. I fully confess to using FedEx as well. I know, crazy, and more crazy.
I did this for years. Many years. I spent money on every voice but my own. Then I got tired. I heard about self-publishing, and learned that one of my favorite poets and writers, Ms. Nikki Giovanni self-published her first book, Black Feeling Black Talk. I felt so proud because, this tiny powerhouse woman used poetry to voice her concerns and thoughts on civil rights. That inspired me to self-publish my first ever book entitled, Still Standing: Volume One back in 2007. It was a poetry book that detailed love, self-esteem, and triumphs. I wanted to make a difference with my voice. It barely sold a hundred copies. That was a major learning lesson for me. It showed me that people I thought who were my friends and supporters, really did not support me because I counted on one hand how many of my friends actually supported it and bought it. I later learned that it did not matter who bought it or how many copies were sold. The most important aspect of that was I. Me. Myself. Published my voice to inspire that soul who felt like giving up. I wanted to speak to the nameless face who was told they could not do achieve their dreams and passions because of "boundaries and limitations" created by someone else and/or even themselves.
I gave myself a break from the consistency of being told "no." For a year, I did not send out any queries, introductory letters, pitches, synopsis or anything. I needed a break. I needed to re-invent my introductory. Then I got back in the hustle by trying to upgrade my delivery. I sent out gift baskets, and Edible Arrangements to those same constituent titles, but with different faces. Guess what? I NEVER heard anything from those people who received the upgrade from postalville. I was throwing money and time down the drain investing in a mirage.
It is easy for people to say, "Don't give up. Hang in there. That no will turn into a yes." Blah. Blah. Blah. You know when it turns into a 'yes?' When YOU decide to take your power and not wait on permission from someone else to tell you when you can be great. When you decide to take back your power and not wait on permission to exercise your artistic voice. When YOU decide to stop waiting on someone to notice your work or to tell you what to do. Who says it's wrong?
When GOD really opened my eyes, I literally cried like a baby. I was mad at myself that I waited so long and wasted money on getting permission from people who were just like me. Sometimes people forget that they started somewhere. Everyone has a start. I told my Mom and sister that I felt like a hamster on a wheel. I was going nowhere. Feet would move, but my surrounding did not change until I changed.
Do you know that when your passion becomes work that it can make you bitter? How so? Because it begins to feel like a job. It feels like work. What I mean by that is...I have a passion to write. I love writing. It is like breathing to me. Yet, during my hamster times, it became work. It became logical.
I did not even want to pick up a pen and paper. I did not want to think about story. Yet, I was suffocating myself from what GOD instilled in me. I knew that I had to get back to the enjoyment of writing. I had to get back to the love. It was a journey. A journey that I am thankful for. Because out of that journey was birthed the current voice, "Grits In A Bowl." It was done in two weeks. Graphics, story, format. Two weeks. "Grits In A Bowl" is a digital collection of short stories where unusual circumstances bring people together. It awakens the existence of who they are. It awakens victory, love, joy, laughs. It awakens them.
I do not care how many copies are sold. I do not care about best seller status. None of that matters because at the end of the day, I have validation. I did not wait for permission. I did not wait for someone else to tell me when and how my voice gets to be delivered. I did not wait for permission to be unique and great. I did not wait. I just did what GOD already birthed in me. To be a doer. Doers don't wait for permission to exercise their voice. They just do it.
I am a writer. I have been writing since I was a little girl. Yet, somewhere along the line, I gave my voice away because, my writing was not according to what someone else said it should be. I cannot tell you how many times I wasted paper and ink printing out query letters to literary agents, managers, production companies, development executives, studios, etc. just to get my work noticed, and to do the typical introduction. I wasted money on fancy resume paper to make my query, and introductory letters stand out. I sent out tons of emails, and then had the nerves to stand in line at the post office wasting money on stamps, and then my neurotic obsession pushed me into further anal behavior when I would spend extra money to get signature confirmation, delivery confirmation WITH insurance, AND priority mail, with express mail being like a special dessert. And yes. I fully confess to using FedEx as well. I know, crazy, and more crazy.
I did this for years. Many years. I spent money on every voice but my own. Then I got tired. I heard about self-publishing, and learned that one of my favorite poets and writers, Ms. Nikki Giovanni self-published her first book, Black Feeling Black Talk. I felt so proud because, this tiny powerhouse woman used poetry to voice her concerns and thoughts on civil rights. That inspired me to self-publish my first ever book entitled, Still Standing: Volume One back in 2007. It was a poetry book that detailed love, self-esteem, and triumphs. I wanted to make a difference with my voice. It barely sold a hundred copies. That was a major learning lesson for me. It showed me that people I thought who were my friends and supporters, really did not support me because I counted on one hand how many of my friends actually supported it and bought it. I later learned that it did not matter who bought it or how many copies were sold. The most important aspect of that was I. Me. Myself. Published my voice to inspire that soul who felt like giving up. I wanted to speak to the nameless face who was told they could not do achieve their dreams and passions because of "boundaries and limitations" created by someone else and/or even themselves.
I gave myself a break from the consistency of being told "no." For a year, I did not send out any queries, introductory letters, pitches, synopsis or anything. I needed a break. I needed to re-invent my introductory. Then I got back in the hustle by trying to upgrade my delivery. I sent out gift baskets, and Edible Arrangements to those same constituent titles, but with different faces. Guess what? I NEVER heard anything from those people who received the upgrade from postalville. I was throwing money and time down the drain investing in a mirage.
It is easy for people to say, "Don't give up. Hang in there. That no will turn into a yes." Blah. Blah. Blah. You know when it turns into a 'yes?' When YOU decide to take your power and not wait on permission from someone else to tell you when you can be great. When you decide to take back your power and not wait on permission to exercise your artistic voice. When YOU decide to stop waiting on someone to notice your work or to tell you what to do. Who says it's wrong?
When GOD really opened my eyes, I literally cried like a baby. I was mad at myself that I waited so long and wasted money on getting permission from people who were just like me. Sometimes people forget that they started somewhere. Everyone has a start. I told my Mom and sister that I felt like a hamster on a wheel. I was going nowhere. Feet would move, but my surrounding did not change until I changed.
Do you know that when your passion becomes work that it can make you bitter? How so? Because it begins to feel like a job. It feels like work. What I mean by that is...I have a passion to write. I love writing. It is like breathing to me. Yet, during my hamster times, it became work. It became logical.
I did not even want to pick up a pen and paper. I did not want to think about story. Yet, I was suffocating myself from what GOD instilled in me. I knew that I had to get back to the enjoyment of writing. I had to get back to the love. It was a journey. A journey that I am thankful for. Because out of that journey was birthed the current voice, "Grits In A Bowl." It was done in two weeks. Graphics, story, format. Two weeks. "Grits In A Bowl" is a digital collection of short stories where unusual circumstances bring people together. It awakens the existence of who they are. It awakens victory, love, joy, laughs. It awakens them.
I do not care how many copies are sold. I do not care about best seller status. None of that matters because at the end of the day, I have validation. I did not wait for permission. I did not wait for someone else to tell me when and how my voice gets to be delivered. I did not wait for permission to be unique and great. I did not wait. I just did what GOD already birthed in me. To be a doer. Doers don't wait for permission to exercise their voice. They just do it.
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