Thursday, July 10, 2014

Courting vs. Dating: Is there a difference?

I try to stay clear of these topics, but the past few weeks this has been a subject that has popped up randomly. As I was engaging in my lunch of a raw collard wrap and green juice, I was haunted by the topics of relationships, especially today after Tim Clinton, host of "The Truth" radio show of XcelRadio.com (www.xcelradio.com) posted a few thought provoking questions pertaining to relationships on his Twitter page, @TimDClinton. On the contrary, the responses were so heated they put a pot of boiling water to shame. It showed me that relationships have become like an elephant in the room. Why does it have to be so complicated? Are we that misunderstood with each other?

Here are a few questions that were posted, mainly addressed to the ladies:

- "What's your take on a man looking for the one, but talking to more than one?"
- "What should be established on the first date?"
-"Do you believe you should be the only option before a commitment is made?"

For a recap of responses and other questions, visit his Twitter page. The question that really stood out to me: "What's your take on a man looking for the one, but talking to more than one?" prompted my mind to travel back to the question that I posed prior to him igniting the discussion: "Is there a difference between dating & courting?" In my mind's eye, yes, there is.

Dating in MY opinion, is comprised of multiple parties. It does not establish anything outside of a social setting created by the parties involved. However, courting in MY opinion, deals with something totally different. It deals with a focal point. Which reveals to me why "old school" or earlier generations (pre-social media, pre-technology, pre-everything outside of an in your face conversation), used the word frequently. As my grandparents would say, "You couldn't say you were courting somebody, and not be serious about them."

When there are other parties involved with 'dating,' feelings, emotions, and attachments get involved. Sometimes people are honest upfront, other times, not so much. For example: If a man states upfront that he is seeing multiple people, but expresses his like for the current person, then it is her choice whether she decides to pursue the 'dating' further. Consequently, if she is a cautious person, she will seriously have her guard up because, she cannot take this man seriously. How can one seriously invest thought and observation into a person when there guard is up? It becomes a waste of time, because that person is getting the short end of the stick. How can one seriously get to know someone when there are other distractions of people surrounding the potential of "the one?"

I know that men and women think differently, but at the end of the day, what is accomplished? What is the goal? What happens when one of the women involved in the 'process of elimination' sees the man out with another opponent? Will he speak? Will he introduce them? Or will he go on about his business, and keep the train moving pretending that he never saw the other opponent? This is where feelings, emotions, and thoughts come in to play. This creates a competitive pool among women, and a further division where women are against each other.

In the courting process, the focus is on two persons involved. No distractions of other people. Both persons involved can intensely listen and observe the conversation, behavior, and character. A wolf can't survive in sheep's clothing long. It gives the fair and undivided attention to key in on the objective at hand: "Who is this person?" without comparison to anyone else.

I would like to share my sister's answer when I asked her the same question. Her response:
"Courting involves more dedication. It is more honorable and denotes building a relationship more than today' version of dating. Courting is an old school version of dating, where dating to a certain extent has lost its essence."

Now in the event that either person finds out there is not a connection there or does not want to take it further, then the parties can move on. At least they were given each other's full attention to learn that it was not the right person for them.

In MY opinion, dating is like a loose cannon. Personalities, and people all over the place. With the business and productivity of life, and the way time is moving at a rapid pace, who can keep up with the names & scheduling of dates. What if you accidentally got called the wrong name? What if that person didn't REMEMBER your name? 

The beautiful thing in all of this is the key word: choice. Everyone of us has choices. Neither choice is wrong nor right. Yet, it appears that dating has become like water from a faucet. It continues running until someone turns the faucet off. Marriage has declined tremendously, and divorce attorneys are smiling bigger than a child on Christmas morning because "irreconcilable differences" have suddenly seeped in, but somehow were absent during the courting/dating process.

Courting unfolds the gritty grime while dating can be a short-lived, temporary, feel good feeling. According to my uncle, married for forty plus years, "You never stop courting even after marriage."

As I mentioned earlier, we all have choices and differences. Those unique and beautiful things that make us people. However, the goal is to choose what will compliment whatever your overall objective is. Short-term or longevity.

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